Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
