Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
