He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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