I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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