Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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