R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize