So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
