ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
