Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
