Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
