awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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