Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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