Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
