Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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