my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
