I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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