1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
