We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
