all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
