I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
