Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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