Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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