We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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