he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
