This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
