its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
