My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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