it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
