i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
