wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
