Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
