It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I deserve this hangover.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
