i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
