Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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