Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize