Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
