my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
