at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish you could order shots online.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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