She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
