OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize