i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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