I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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