I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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