he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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