There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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