I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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