My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
