Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
