I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
