Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
