Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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