laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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