There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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