If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
