I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
