we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
