He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
