I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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