At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
