Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
