There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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