You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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