I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
