hotel room ftw
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
