You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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