so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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