Got a toothbrush?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
