he wants to bone in the snuggie
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
