One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
