dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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