possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
