After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
