Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
