I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
