it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
