just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
