I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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