what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
