we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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