one might say we're banned from that church
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
