im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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