You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
