Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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