I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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